First here is another no picture blog post- so unlike me. Second this is so unlike me because I am going to put myself out there more than I normally do. So it is scary. :)
I got a new calling today. I have been the beehive advisor to twenty(approxiamtely it changes as they come in and then leave) beautiful girls for the last year and a half or so. Honestly, I cried when they called me. I was so worried that I wouldn't do a good job and I felt it was such an important calling and I wanted so much to be what the Lord needed those girls to have. I felt so inadequate. Maybe it hit so close to home because many of my YW years were hard for me. Maybe it hit so close to home because I had a daughter turning twelve that year. But I worried and I prayed and I still felt so inadequate. But I was assured by those who called me and the spirit witnessed to me that I was supposed to be there. And I found comfort in that. I gave that calling my all. And I was blessed in the process. I love those beehives with all my heart. They are a wonderful group of girls with such great testimonies and they are such an example to me. I will miss them. I will miss being with Bam Beana every week. I will miss all of it. So much.
But I felt such peace today as I was called to my new calling. (2nd counselor in the primary). It isn't that I think this calling is any less important. Maybe it helps that I know the President well and know that I will work well with her. Maybe it is because I have served in Primary presidencies before and so I kind of know what I am getting into.
Mostly I think it is the spirit testifying to me. See, I never have had much confidence. I always feel like I fall short and like I am never quite good enough. Yet today I felt confident. I know I am not perfect. I am sure I made many mistakes in my last calling. But for once I really felt peace that I did what the Lord wanted of me. That I was needed there and that I made a difference. That as imperfect as my effort may have been it was enough. That I did what the Lord wanted me to do. When I went in today to YW for a brief minute to say good by I was mobbed with hugs. Sometimes you wonder if you really make a difference and if you really reach those you love. Today they made me feel like I did. I am so grateful for their love for me and for all they have taught me. I may not know specifically how I have made a difference but I felt the spirit tell me I did. I am so grateful for that.
And I am so grateful for the feelings I have over my new calling. For once I feel like hey I can do this. I am needed here for whatever reason and it will be okay. Now I am over cubs and I have never done that before and I am sure in the coming weeks and months I will have plenty to worry over and feel inadequate in. But for today I am grateful for the outpouring of peace and love I feel from my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for feeling like He is well pleased with me for once. Hopefully I will be able to remember this and draw on the feeling when I get discouraged. Maybe this is why I am putting myself out here and sharing even though If eel silly and conceited. So I will remember because I shared.
I have a testimony of Jesus Christ. I have a testimony of the power of the atonement in our lives. I have a testimony of the power of the priesthood. I am grateful to know that I am a child of God and He loves me, as imperfect as I may be.
I don't know if I have used the right words or been able to really express what I want to say and Ihope it comes across right but I felt prompted to share so. . . .
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and as I fall short with words, I say it with pictures.
7 comments:
That was nice Amy. I kind of like it when people include real life in their blogs. Helps me to feel like others lives aren't just perfect like in their pictures. This may be weird but I'm comforted when I know I'm not the only one with insecurities and doubts!
You've done a great job in YW and you deserve to feel peace about that.
Thanks for sharing your testimony and more about what you've been thinking.
Lots of love!
Thank you so much for sharing. I think we all feel inadequate at times. And the moments when we're given assurances in the opposite direction are wonderful.
It's hard to share our inner-most feelings, but I agree that there is always someone else out there feeling the same way who needs to know they are not alone! You always are wonderful at everything you do. I'm so excited for you and this new opportunity. You will be awesome--enjoy every minute! Love ya!
Primary is will be immensely blessed to have you! I think the world of you and am glad our Heavenly Father is blessing you with the peace and confidence to reassure you that he's in your corner!
You say that you have had problems with confidence. I don't see that at all. You have always come across to me as a very confident person and I don't mean that in a self centered way. You are the kind of person who knows what you want and gone after it. I have always admired that.
I understand feeling inadequate when receiving a calling. It has been two and half years and I am still trying to figure out "why me." God qualifies those he calls. I am sure you did a fabulous job in the YW and were an amazing example to them of what a women, wife and mother should be.
Good Luck in Primary...I am a little jealous.
When I was called to my last calling I felt like you do now. But in my current calling, Primary President, I feel inadequate all the time and still question, why me? I too pray I can make a difference, but I think that in the end it will have been Primary that has made a difference in me. My favorite part of primary is singing time. The spirit whispers to me each week that the gospel is pure and true.
You are a super person and really do make the world a better place.
Amy,
You're never inadequate unless you are someone other than you. Because YOU are enough. Period. End of story.
I'm glad you were there for the girls. And I'm glad it made you happy. And I'm glad that you are excited about your new venture. :)
But yeah, YOU are more than adequate. No matter what you do.
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